One day, a man came home from work and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightdress. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
Traffic Court Bob was in traffic court the other day and the guy next to him insisted on telling his 'why I'm in court' story. They've been arguing a lot for the last year. She now wants a divorce. He wants to reconcile. She says no. He tells her to quit being such a bitch or he'll kill her. She calls the cops. He's thrown in jail. She files restraining order. He's thrown out of house. She calls him weeks later saying his dog died. She says you can come bury him if you'll be nice. He says okay. He goes over and starts digging. She's nearby crying. He asks to reconcile. She says no. He says he's gonna dig another, bigger hole when he's done with the dog's. She calls the cops. He's thrown in jail. He then pulled out his wallet and showed Bob her picture, and she was a stone fox. "She's too pretty for you," Bob said. "You can't have that big a discrepancy in looks in a marriage. I mean look at you, you'd be lucky to get a woman with all her teeth. So, ah, um, would it be inappropriate for me to ask you for her number?"
Im the Number 1 laxative salesman in the country...but I dont like to brag.... Im just a regular guy.......
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be the Man of Your House." He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight and, when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" The wife replied, "The f*cking funeral director would be my first guess."
