Dear US Politicians, I wanted to thank you for your wisdom when you passed the internet Gambling Restriction bill. You see, as a forty-something adult I was blinded in my zeal and didn’t realize that I had gone astray. My eleven years of post-graduate schooling didn’t prepare me for the reality that I was indeed harming myself and others around me by playing online card games. How could I have been so blind to the obvious? Of course I understand your concern for my well being and that of the country. Last night I was playing online cards and the player next to me was Osama. Can you believe it? I guess that’s where they got all their money to fund the terror plots? When I realized that Osama was using my 5.00 buy-in to blow up planes I was shaken to me core. How could I have been so stupid? Therefore, I have decided that since you politicians are so wise then I would emulate your habits and routines in my life. Therefore, as of this morning, I am looking into getting a lobbyist position for my local government, that way I can go to lunch and have free drinks (Cosmo or maybe just martini’s) Then I can spend the afternoon cruising around looking for disenfranchised hookers that I can convince to join the party! Later I think that I’ll call on my state representative Foley and ask where the best sites are to talk to the little boys. Maybe I should join NAMBLA (North America Man-Boy Love Association) I mean I see where senators Kennedy and others have stood by and protected that organizations right to exist. I mean it can’t be as bad as playing card games can it? I figured that I’ll go to my local Indian reservation and stock up on cigarettes. Since smoking is legal it MUST be ok for me right? I mean after all if I get lung cancer you promise to take care of the bills right? I mean smoking HAS to be better than online card playing or else you would have protected me from THAT. I also wanted to thank you for banning me from playing online card games so that all the money I save there I can subscribe to the online porn sites. After all the porn sites MUST be safe compared to playing cards. Especially those kiddie porn sites right? Hey I wonder if Representative Foley will give me HIS favorite pedophile porn site list? If all else fails I just move to Vegas because now that I can’t play cards online I can begin the process of lobbying the government in Vegas to shut down. I mean if online card games are bad the live card games MUST be worse. Imagine actually being able to touch the cards! Those poor misguided souls in Vegas! Thank you politicians for showing me the light and watching out for me. I feel so much better now.
