After a high school basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. "Here," he said to the ref, "I think this is your." "What makes you think it's my phone?" asked the ref? "Easy," said the coach. "It says you have ten missed calls." Now for some ONE liners: Q. How do you make a hot dog stand? A. Take away his chair. Q. What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shoevel and a Chihauhua? A. A hot diggety dog. Q. Why is a hot dog a glutton for punishment? A.It feeds the hand that bites him! A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me." "OK, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight." _________________________________________ A guy walks into a bar and notices three men and a dog playing poker. The dog is playing beautifully. "That¹s a smart dog," the man says. "Not really," says one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail." ( from Poker Nation, by Andy Bellin) _________________________________________ One day, at a casino buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!" A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened. "Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?" "No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS. _________________________________________ A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!"
